No More Chocolate?

Our favorite fro-yo place

After the last month or so, I have decided that a large part of parenting is teaching one's child to deal appropriately with emotions and feelings they cannot control.  Allow me to explain.

I cannot make my child feel happy when I tell her that she can't have a cookie or she can't watch Do-Mi-Mi (The Sound of Music) right now.  I cannot make joy spring up in her heart when I tell her she has to wait.  I cannot make her like to eat green beans. 

I came to this startling realization when we took her out for frozen yogurt for the first time.  Every toddler's dream, right?  Chocolate ice cream pouring into a bowl out of a spout in the wall, then you get to put berries and cereal all over it.  I could barely get a bite in edgewise.

Then it happened.  We ate the last bite.  My daughter was crushed.  She began to sob "Mo chaw-chaw!  Mo chaw-chaw!" when she looked at the bottom of the cup with only little dribbles of melted chocolate.  As I scooped her up for us to make a quick exit, I said "I know how you feel, sweetheart.  Mommy wants to cry when the chocolate is all gone too."  I was kind of jesting, but not really.  In that moment, I recognized that if I, as an adult, still want to cry when the chocolate is all gone, the difference between me and my toddler is not a lack of sadness and disappointment, but a willingness to express that sadness and disappointment in a societally acceptable way, or even to just keep it to myself.

So, my job is not to change my child's emotions...that, in fact, is outside of the range of my powers and will have to be left to God, the only One who can change hearts.  Instead, I have to teach her how to express (or perhaps not express!) her emotions in an appropriate manner. Come to think of it, I had a similar challenge with many high school students.  So, I think this is going to be a lesson that takes a while to teach.

When I look at my toddler wailing "No!" and running off to bury her head in the couch in disappointment any number of times between 4:30 and 6:00 pm, I feel a little overwhelmed (How can I teach her to be a functioning member of society?), a little amused (It really is the end of the world when you have to wait!) and a little sympathetic.  I see myself in her.  While I don't (always...) cry and cover my face with pillows when I don't get my way, I still feel about the same way inside.

One of the most beautiful pictures in the Bible is the idea that God is our Father.  When you consider all the love, compassion, teaching, provision, and nearness that a parent gives his child, you are getting closer to understanding who God is and how He feels about us.

God isn't demanding that I change my initial emotional response to life.  He knows that some circumstances in my life will elicit fear, sadness, anger.  Psalm 103:13-14 are some of my favorite verses on this matter.

Just as a father has compassion on his children,
So the Lord has compassion on those who fear Him.

For He Himself knows our frame;
He is mindful that we are but dust

I know He won't give up parenting me, teaching me to respond to my disappointment in a way that honors Him (just like I can't give up teaching my daughter not to throw fits!).  But it's so good to know, right now, when I often feel weak and frail, when I often feel like crying "No!" and throwing my body on the ground, God knows and understands.  And rather than despise me for it, He loves me, like I love my poor little girl who can't deal with life when the chocolate is all gone.