28 weeks

Wiggly baby toes!

Well, I'm officially in the 3rd trimester, and it's officially summer in Texas.  Arthur is a very active fellow, and while I am trying to stay active as well, sometimes the siren call of the couch and the air conditioning wins!

This week I got to meet the doctor who is my new OB and perinatal specialist.  Two for the office visits of one...what a deal!  They have an excellent ultrasound machine, and I got to watch Arthur try to put his hand in his mouth, open and close his eyes, and kick all over the place (I wasn't surprised to see the latter...I am feeling it quite often these days). It is so amazing what God does in growing a little life and what man can do to peek in on the process!

The doctor is very kind and professional at once.  He confirmed that things don't look good (his words - "not very reassuring."  I should start a list of all the doctor euphemisms for bad news...).  The next steps are for us to meet with the pediatric cardiologist and neonatologist at the hospital, at which point we will begin making plans for delivery and what may lie beyond.  He anticipates that Arthur will need to be immediately placed on a heart-lung bypass machine called ECMO, and then said, "But whether he can come off of it..." and trailed off. 

After a respite of purposefully not dwelling much on the future, as we move closer and closer to Arthur's arrival, we have started reading more about his conditions and what to expect.  We've begun again to try to picture what the future may hold, not to worry but to try to be prepared.

The hard part is, the future may hold such disparate realities.  We may be by Arthur's side in the hospital for months, fighting for every day, or we may say goodbye very quickly.  It's hard to think and plan for both at once.  In mundane terms, how do you pack a bag and set things in order at home, not knowing if you'll be gone for 24 hours or for weeks and weeks?  Emotionally, how do you hold on to your baby so strongly that you are ready to fight through heart/lung bypass machines, multiple surgeries, and so much more and yet hold on so loosely that you are ready to let go almost immediately?

The funny thing with grief is that you never know what ideas or images are going to hit you the strongest.  As I looked through blogs of families who have gone through similar situations, the first thing that struck me was the scariness of pictures of little babies with huge scars and several machines keeping them alive.  But then, on the blogs of the families whose babies make it, there are always the pictures several weeks later of the baby, still with lots of tubes, wires, and scars, but with a grin on his or her face.  I realized that as much as I have been preparing myself for the worst, I want so badly to see my baby smile.

Beyond praying for Arthur's body and our hearts and minds, we would appreciate prayers that the upcoming important appointments, especially with the neonatologist, would fall at a time when both my husband and I can be there - by mid-August there will be some very inflexible times in his schedule.

God has been answering our and your prayers for a sweet time of being together as a family this summer and the ability to enjoy each moment as He gives it to us, so thanks to you and praise to Him!