A Clear Path

We have been praying from the beginning that God would make our paths clear as we care for Arthur - that we would have obvious guidance on the hard decisions we would have to make.  Yesterday we met with the cardiologist and neonatologist at the hospital where we plan to deliver.  The conversations we had with them were an answer to that prayer.  Not the answer we wanted, but an answer, and for that we are thankful. 

The cardiologist did quite a number of scans to look closely at Arthur's heart.  She reminded us that the limiting factor in Arthur's situation is his lungs.  When a child has the heart defects Arthur has, the success of the three surgeries they usually perform rests on a good set of lungs.  Because of Arthur's severely underdeveloped lungs, if everything else were normal and functioning, in the best case scenario he would need a transplant before the 3rd surgery.  However, the vein that delivers oxygenated blood from the lungs to his heart so that it can be pumped back into his body is also incredibly small.  This means that not only will his blood be underoxygenated, but very little of it would make it back to the heart to recirculate it throughout his body.  There is nothing that can be done to "fix" this.  In fact, intubating and ventilating Arthur would quite possibly cause this vein to pop due to the extra pressure.

The neonatologist had already conferred with several colleagues about Arthur's case before meeting with us, and they had all arrived at the same conclusion, agreeing with the cardiologist as well.  Unless Arthur arrives in this world miraculously better than what they are seeing on every test and scan, no interventions or surgeries will be able to save his life.  I will deliver him as normally as possible and we will get to spend a few minutes or hours with him as we say goodbye. 

For almost two months now, we have been prepared for what the doctors told us yesterday.  Neither one of us was shocked or taken aback - this outcome has been more than hinted at from early on.  There is a sense in which today's news allows us get off the emotional roller coaster of uncertainty.  At the same time, though, the clear path we have been given is not an easy one.  In the abstract, we had wrapped our minds around the fact that Arthur would probably die shortly after birth.  When we started thinking and talking about the details today, though, the reality sank in and affected both of us deeply. 

Yet another balancing act confronts us.  There are some things that we would like to plan in advance so that we don't have to deal with them after Arthur's arrival - thinking through what we want that short time together to include, funeral arrangements, some other medical decisions, and so on.  At the same time, as the neonatologist wisely reminded us, we ought to enjoy these next 9-10 weeks of pregnancy rather than spend them continually obsessing over the future. 

We covet your prayers as we seek to find that balance of preparing wisely for what we know will be a very hard time but not forgetting to live in and enjoy the time that God has given us today.  We had already planned for the rest of this week to be our family "stay-cation", so we look forward to having some fun doing things in the area that we don't usually spend time or money on.  Please forgive us in advance for not answering emails/facebook messages/calls/texts as promptly as usual while we focus on enjoying time as a family.  Next week we will begin to get ready for the school year and for Arthur's arrival and will communicate more about our situation, thoughts, and plans as it seems appropriate. 

Thank you so much for sharing this journey with us - it is far from over, although we know now where we are headed.  We are so grateful for each loving thought, prayer, word, and action.  The neonatologist expressed how important it is to be surrounded by supportive friends and family, and we smiled, knowing that God has given us an abundance!

For our citizenship is in heaven, from which also we eagerly wait for a Savior, the Lord Jesus Christ; who will transform the body of our humble state into conformity with the body of His glory, by the exertion of the power that He has even to subject all things to Himself.
~Philippians 3:20-21 (NASB)