Dear Arthur

My dear son,

I can’t wait to meet you!  I want to see your little nose that, on all the sonogram pictures, makes you look so much like your big sister.  I wonder if you have my blue eyes or your daddy’s gray eyes.  I want to touch your little toes that have been kicking my ribs for the past few months.  I long to hold you in my arms. 

I can’t wait to see your daddy and your sister meet you.  You and I are already very close, you see.  I’ve “held” you in my womb for 9 months.  I’ve felt your wiggles and hiccups and kicks.  I can tell you’ve grown bigger and stronger.  I get to watch you on the sonogram at the doctor’s office often.  I know what foods you like (chocolate…duh!) and what time of day is your favorite (11pm-1am, just like your daddy).  But your daddy and your sister barely know you.  I want to see the wonder and love on their faces when they see you. 

Arthur, I want to hold you for much longer than I will be able to.  I don’t want to say hello and goodbye so quickly.  I want you to be a strong, healthy little boy.  I say all these things because I love you.  Because you are my son.  Because it seems best to me.  But Arthur, God loves you.  He loves you even more than I do.  I know this because He loves you so much He purposed to give up His only Son so that you and I could have eternal life.  This life here on earth is pretty amazing.  But it can be pretty awful too.  The eternal life God’s Son Jesus purchased for us when He died and rose again is only amazing.  If God would give up His only Son for you and for me, how can I doubt that He will only do the most loving and right things for you and for me? 

My baby boy, I have been praying for this day for a long time.  Praying for a miracle.  Praying for endurance and strength, both physical and emotional.  Praying for perfect timing.  Praying that you and I and the rest of your family will be able to soak in every moment of your life on earth.  Praying that those moments will be full of love and joy.  Praying that it won’t be too hard for you to leave me…for you or for me.  Not knowing how to pray and trusting the Holy Spirit, who knows my deepest heart, to intercede for me. 

Maybe God will answer my cry for a miracle.  Maybe someday you can read this.  Or maybe someday, in the perfect eternal life that God has given through His Son, you and I can marvel together at how God’s love and God’s plan were even more perfect than I could have imagined.  Either way, I love you so much.