Boasting in the Lord

 

I am one of those people who HATES it when things don't go according to my plan.  You can ask family, friends, co-workers, and even mere acquaintances to verify this.  I'm that highly-driven, Type A, "my way is always best" person every group needs but hates.  Things like traffic jams, not getting my to-do list done by the end of the day, and people who turn in their paperwork late are my Kryptonite.  The day deviates from my plan and I begin to resemble a toddler at 5:30 pm...even the smallest things send me into hysterics. 

I'd like to stop right now and thank all the people in my life who love me even though I must really annoy them when I get all worked up over small things that aren't going my way.  My husband especially deserves a gold medal for the calmness with which he can hug me, look me in the eye and tell me that it's going to be OK even though I forgot the tomato sauce at the store and there are toys all over my living room floor.  And he doesn't even laugh as those words come out of his mouth.

I'd also like to thank the Holy Spirit for His sanctifying grace in my life...I can't even imagine how difficult I would be to be around without the changes He works in my heart. It would be pretty ugly.

But this is a battle I've fought since I was a very small child. (Ask my father for his favorite story of 2-year-old me sometime!)  I've pretty much acknowledged that I won't be winning this battle.  I'll keep fighting my hatred of all plans that are not my plans, but I don't anticipate making much headway.

A lot of people have complimented me on the peace with which I am handling life right now.  This makes me want to laugh.  Not because I don't have peace right now - I do!  It makes me want to laugh because it is beyond obvious to me that this is not my peace.  Me, the girl who wants to hit something or yell at someone every time I see an apostrophe in the wrong spot.  Me, the teacher who retypes lesson plans from other people because I want them all in my font and format.  Me, the wife who inwardly groans every time I open my husband's drawer and the shirts aren't in the right spot. 

For some inexplicable reason, I have not spent the last 4 months angry that things aren't going my way.  Why not?  There have been a lot of plans of mine that have been messed up pretty badly...plans that were far more dear to me than an orderly house and a world that follows the rules of grammar and etiquette.  While you have been marveling at my (mostly) calm response, I have been baffled by it.

I think perhaps God made me the obsessive-compulsive, have-to-be-right person that I am precisely so that right now it would be clear to me and to everyone watching that my response to Arthur's condition does NOT come from my own heart.  If I could take credit for my reaction to the circumstances of the last few months, that reaction would look incredibly different.

Here's what you are seeing instead of my heart:

"Peace I leave with you; My peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you.  Do not let your heart be troubled, nor let it be fearful." (John 14:27)

"And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." (Phil. 4:7)

Now if only I could have a little more of that peace when my daughter dirties her diaper while I'm buckling her in the car seat and we're already late...